Fresh From the Department of Redundancy Department

I Vote For McIntire!

Voting Booth

Public domain image

What if they gave an election and nobody came?

That's what happened in McIntire, Iowa the other day (well, really back in August but "the other day" sounds more folksy). It was a special election, too! They were asking the 70 registered voters of McIntire if it was ok for the Mayor and city council to stay in office twice as long as they have been.

"Don't really care," was the resounding answer from the citizenry, including, if you think about it, the other 40 who weren't registered. Even the various city officials apparently thought it wasn't worth the bother.

A Few Paragraphs would humbly like to suggest that the rest of the country follow the bold democratic example of McIntire and just ignore the next few elections -- the big ones, anyway. Think how much better off we'd be if nobody at all voted last November. For anybody.

And don't worry, I'm pretty sure that under the law whoever was in office has to leave when their term is up, whether there's a replacement or not. The bureaucracy will keep things running.

We'll be fine.

Government by Tweet

Logo by Dgultekin

A long time ago, before our present political situation was a twinkle in the space-time continuum's eye, I wrote a post about what a glorious thing it would be if the President tweeted his every thought.

Well, not just tweeted. Used every means of communicating with the public at his disposal. Here's what I said:

Frankly, I think we'd be much better off if the President carried on a perpetual, ongoing conversation with us about his job -- in TV and YouTube appearances, speeches, press conferences, emails, Twitter or Facebook messages, whatever. Err on the side of telling us everything that doesn't absolutely have to be kept secret. Tell us what your thought process is rather than presenting us with the Party Line after it's done. Definitely give us soaring rhetoric when we need to be inspired and mobilized, but much more often give us your candid thoughts. 

Of course, back then it was inconceivable that any President would ever habitually just pop off with random thoughts whatever time of the day or night they struck him (or her). It was just blue skying. So I was safe: nobody’d ever test this in real life. Right?

But nine years later here we are. My prophecy has been fulfilled! How do you like it?

In 2009 I was sort of hoping for tweets brainstorming ideas on ending world hunger or posting quotes from Aeschylus. And we unfortunately haven't seen any of something else I was hoping for:

And when you screw up, come out immediately and tell us, "I screwed up." We know you're actually human and we can handle it.

In fact, an example of that very thing by our 2009 President was what prompted my post back then.

But the current POTUS's tweeting is what it is -- the stream-of-consciousness of a particular human who happens to be the most powerful one on Earth. As it turns out that kind of messes up everything, so this probably be the last time you'll ever see this.

Enjoy (?) it while you can.

More Fake News

Al Gore makes a dynamic point to Ivanka Trump

"National Public Radio?" Yeah, right. Never heard of 'em. That's got to be one of those fake news sites. I mean, look at this crazy story for  instance: Al Gore Meets With Donald and Ivanka Trump in Search for Common Ground. Like that'll ever happen!

Fighting Stress For a Song

STRESS!

Photo by LarMG

Stress, it seems, is the air we breathe. In work, play, family life, child rearing, and certainly your politics (don't even get me started on the election!), if you aren't stressed out you just aren't doing it right. And eventually somebody -- your boss, another parent, an earnest co-worker fearing for the state of our country -- will call you out if you're not taking whatever it is seriously enough, as indicated by how stressed you are.

Stress is the badge that says, why, yes, I am a committed, hard working employee or, yes, I do have my kid enlisted in every extra-curricular activity I can find thereby qualifying me as a good parent or, yes, I am straining every nerve to get this candidate elected and these policies enacted (or repealed) in order to save the nation.

But, by the same token, we know all this stress is bad for us. Doctors tell us that all  the  time. But what can we do about it? How can we decrease that harmful stress while still meriting our "yes-I'm-really-taking-all-this-extremely-seriously" badges?

There are hundreds of webpages out there, some by actual doctors, about managing your stress, with dozens and dozens of suggestions and techniques. Since I (usually) write 'a few paragraphs' I'm just going to tell you about one that only takes 8 minutes and takes no effort. And here it is: listen to the song at the end of this article.

'Weightless' is by a British musical group called Marconi Union that worked with the British Academy of Sound Therapy to create a song that calms anxiety, slows your heartbeat, and lowers blood pressure. Scientists at a behavior research company called Mindlab found that listening to the song can lower your overall anxiety level by 65% and reduce your normal resting pulse, blood pressure, etc. by 35%.

However that may be, they rated 'Weightless' #1 in their list of the 10 most relaxation-producing songs known to mankind. And I have to report that, despite my initial skepticism, when I lay down in the dark with 'Weightless' on my headphones, it had an almost surprising relaxation effect on me. It took me a while to make myself get up when it was done.

Give it a try and see if it helps you relax too.

When Presidents Were Presidents!

Back in my day, Presidents knew what's what, lemme tell ya sonny boy... Here's a bedraggled kinescope of one now!

Ah for the good old days!

Odd Russian Taboos

So apparently, doing aerobics in a funeral home showroom is looked down upon in Russia for some reason. Thank goodness for our precious american freedoms. Over there, it got this lady fired -- and expelled from President Putin's 'United Russia' party.

Hard man, that Putin.

Barbarians at the gates in New York

The bone of contention in Albany

In the world of politics, the participants can sink pretty low sometimes. Just look at how this year's presidential contest is shaping up.  But there's low, and then there's deny-toilet-paper-to-your-adversaries low.

The New York Senate is currently in the hands of the Republicans, meaning that they are in charge of supplies. Now, Senate Majority Leader John Flanagan swears everything's on the up and up and that bathroom tissue is distributed in an equitable and evenhanded manner.

But "Not so!" desperately cry the Democrats. According to their statistics the minority party is only getting half as much. And it's ONE-PLY!!

It is said that Alaric and the Visigoths used this same tactic to defeat and sack Rome (although the romans used sponges on sticks instead of TP, but the principle is still the same). Of course, that could be a myth (not the stick sponges. Those were a hard fact).

Let's hope cooler heads prevail in Albany.

Workers of the World Unite and Barbeque Some Steaks!

Getting down to the socialist groove on Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day everybody, my favorite socialist holiday!

Of course, we don't play up its connection to Marx and Engels these days but, yeah, Labor Day got started back when anarchists were throwing bombs, 12,000 troops were battling 250,000 laboring men in the Pullman Strike, and workers of the world were uniting. It was originally held on May Day too -- as it still is in most countries.

But just when things looked bleakest for business tycoons, Grover Cleveland, our non-consecutive President, wisely placated the masses by moving Labor Day to September and making it a national beer-drinking holiday. And so, labor troubles were a thing of the past.

But why September? Well, certainly to put some distance between the pleasant associations of brewskies and bar-b-que and those of "having nothing to lose but your chains" that it had on May 1st in the rest of the world.  But more specifically, September was when they celebrated a tiny alternate labor day of their own in New York State, and President Cleveland had once been known as Governor Cleveland there. What could be more natural than just taking that particular labor day national?

Long Road to Salem

Kate Brown Secretary of State (and

maybe next Governor) of Oregon

Politics in Oregon, land of old hippies and majestic scenery, is getting weird... weirder. On Tuesday Governor Kitzhaber, himself an old hippy who wears blue jeans to his inaugurations (he's had 4), suddenly and mysteriously summoned the president of the National Association of Secretaries of State, Kate Brown,  away from a high-powered Washington, DC conference for a 1-on-1, personal, secret meeting in his office.

She, being his own Secretary of State, dutifully hopped the next jet back to Salem, leaving all her fellow Secretaries mystified. But when she breathlessly hurried into the Capitol, the Governor looked up and asked, "Why'd you come back so soon?"

Now mystified just like the other 49 Secretaries of State, she politely asked what in the name of Lewis & Clarke was so freaking important that it merited a nine hour plane flight?? "Oh," he said, "Well, I'm not going to resign."

Now, the Secretary of State, who is also next in line for Oregon's throne by the way (that's how they do it there, because they're hippies and they like to be different from states like Mississippi where they have a boring, establishment-type Lt. Governor), didn't think the Governor was resigning either when she left for DC. But he's in some hot water these days, what with his live-in fiancee who once committed a federal crime but the statute of limitations ran out and is also a paid government consultant on clean energy. And there are two 'Recall-the-Gov' campaigns currently running. The main thing tho, according to the New York Times, is that folks are just sick of him.

So the scuttlebutt is that in between the time his Secretary of State left for the nation's capitol and when she rushed back, Gov. Kitzhaber firmly decided to finally resign, then just as firmly changed his mind.

Stay tuned for more adventures!


UPDATE: OK, he's really, really resigning for real next Wednesday. Really.

Underground Detroit

Detroit is hollow

You may have heard that bankrupt Detroit is thinking of selling all the paintings in their museum to help settle their debts. But you may not know about their less well-known gambit: Selling all the dirt under the city to Iowa. That's good corn-growin' dirt!

But there are always consequences...

"Get Outta' My Backyard!" Part 1

Mark Sanford

Remember this fellow, ex-South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford? I wrote about him here and here back when he was notorious for "taking a mountain hike" by which he meant "carrying on a torrid affair in Argentina." This escapade promptly took him from telegenic, somewhat successful Governor and possible Republican candidate for President with a lovely family to the opposite of all that. Well, he was still telegenic, but also quite toxic politically. That was the end of his career.

Except that now there he is, duly elected Representative from South Carolina's 1st Congressional district. An amazing comeback by almost any standards to be sure. Now he may have won because he worked hard, had a great campaign staff, is telegenic, or because South Carolinians are just wonderful forgiving people.

But I think it might have something to do with Americans's  deep aversion to having folks in their backyards. We're, by and large, uncomfortable with people outing the deep dark secrets of our personal lives and passing judgement on them. And we're particularly uncomfortable if it has anything to do with sex. Nobody is allowed to say anything about what we do in the bedroom since the epic "Summer of Love!" I think there might have been a law passed back then. I'm a bit hazy on my history. Sure we'll peek and titter celebrity sex on TMZ but that's about it. We wouldn't want them looking at us on TMZ!

But with elected officials we know there's the proverbial 'higher standard' that we, as dutiful citizens, hold them to -- particularly if their sexual escapade also includes stabbing your wife and family in the back and telling whoppers to everyone. The loopy abandon Gov. Sanford showed in pursuing his "dream" might signify deeper problems, we reason. And down they go.

Politician Lab rat learning

However, like lab rats, politicians learn. If they're contrite, if they forthrightly admit they screwed up, if they apologize and cast their lives as a story of redemption, if they're telegenic... then we might just cut them some slack. After all, it was "only sex." We wouldn't want anybody peeking in the back windows of our house (or posh Argentine hotel) and judging our sex lives. It'd be different if his dark secret was being a serial killer...

This isn't a new phenomenon, not just "since Bill Clinton." Pres. Grover "two non-consecutive terms" Cleveland escaped a tight squeak in a similar way, adjusted for it being the 19th century at the time.  The country has always had this libertarian streak on a whole host of issues. We just don't like people in our backyards, people questioning how we live. And although we do enjoy reading about you celebrities' indiscretions for our own sordid entertainment, that's about as far as it goes. And you know, we weren't the ones that took those photos of you drunk outside a club at 4 am. That's what we have paparazzi for.

Some people need a second chance. Mr. Sanford may do a bang up job this time. Forgiveness and being open to redemption are probably, for the most part, good byproducts of our libertarian, "stay out of my backyard and I'll stay out of yours" mindset.

But there's a flip side to that. That's what part 2 is about.