Talking Turkey (Well, Really Beer...)

"Welcome, welcome Englishmen! Do you have any beer?" Sub-Chief Samoset of the Abenaki tribe is supposed to have happily exclaimed when he first met the Pilgrim Fathers. Of course, that was in March, not November, but the same sentiment has endured down to this very day.

May you and yours enjoy each others company in a similar spirit on this Thanksgiving Day.

Comfortably Celebrating Independence

Photo courtesy of Disney

Here in the ever propagating city of Conglomeration, Texas the "feels like" temperature is 257 ° F and the humidity is approximately what it will be here when climate change makes the Gulf of Mexico deluge the state.

As a result only the most hard bitten patriots will dare to venture out to the fireworks tonight. Many will sacrifice their lives to do so, bursting stoically into flame (but being instantly put out by the humidity) as they salute the country.

My little family and I used to risk our lives in this way in order to teach our children that freedom isn't free and that America has some darn good patriotic songs. Fortunately we were saved at least once by a tumultuous rainstorm that lowered our body heat just below ignition temperature for spontaneous human combustion.

Nowadays though, being older, "wiser," and having taught the kids all the lessons we've got, we opt -- as we do for almost everything else -- to live vicariously by way of the Internet. Sitting in our comfortable chairs (several of which we bought on the Internet), cool, pre-conditioned air swirling gently about our heads, we plan to watch real, live fireworks streaming electronically into our home from somewhere. Hopefully it's cooler there.

"There" being Orlando, Florida -- so probably not. If you would like to share this experience Disney World will be livestreaming their famous fireworks show tonight for free! Please note: If you are reading this too much into the future I can't guarantee anything.

So how do you do it? According to Disney,

Join us minutes before the fireworks start at 9:00 p.m. ET to learn more about nighttime spectaculars at Walt Disney World Resort. How can you catch the live stream? Visit the Disney Parks Blog on July 4 and a fresh blog post containing the live stream feed will be ready and waiting at the top.

So we'll be at https://disneyparks.disney.go.com/blog/   just before 8:00 PM Texas time tonight, corn dogs and ice cream at the ready, chromecasting the extravaganza onto our giant TV and reveling in nice, comfortable patriotism.

And if this doesn't work, I'll be right back here posting a grumpy blog post, as is my right.


UPDATE: Hey, it's working!

Click Here (unless it's over)!

Father's Day & the Empty Chair

The Chair

Last year my father passed away and so this Father's Day will be the first one where he isn't sitting in The Chair. Actually, last year he probably sat mostly in his wheel chair since The Chair was somewhat difficult to get in and out of by then. But he was still with us and could have occupied The Chair if he so chose.

But this year it's an Empty Chair. And that feels a bit weird.

The Chair

My dad always had The Chair, though it appeared in several guises through the years. But it was always a recliner, and always leather -- or in the earlier days, when he wasn't earning a lot, Naugahyde. Some of my earliest memories are of him sitting in The (fake leather) Chair giving me a sip of his Coke out of a huge, icy glass.

None of us boys (there are three of us) ever sat in The Chair, unless we were deliberately provoking him to see what he'd do. It was quite definitely a symbol of authority. In a patriarchal way our entire family revolved around That Chair, even when we lived a thousand miles away. It's not that he sat there and hurled thunderbolts at anybody; he just had this constant, even, presupposition that all of us would do what he said and things would go the way he wanted them to. And he was usually correct about that.

What I Learned

The interesting thing I learned when he passed away was that he meant more to me than I ever suspected. I always loved him in my self-centered way and I never doubted that he loved me. But I was much more like my mother. Our interests were much more the same, we were both highly intuitive people, it was easier for me to talk to her, and we both liked staying up late into the night watching TV.

My father was far more business-like, more strictly logical, wasn't the most talkative person in the world, went to bed at 9:00 on the dot, and seemed to gain his greatest satisfaction from playing a good round of golf. My brothers loved golf too but I could never get into it, although I tried (a little). They had this camaraderie with him from playing countless games on the golf course that I did not.

He tried to reach out, reading Discover magazine and watching the Science Channel so he could talk about my nerdy interests. And I did get to spend more time with him when he was experiencing his final illnesses.

But I always assumed that my mother's death would have the biggest impact on me. And her passing did hurt excruciatingly. Dad asked me to give a "spiritual eulogy" at her funeral and it was so hard to get through.

I had to do the same thing at my dad's funeral and I remember thinking, "Well, at least this won't be as hard as mom's eulogy was." But it was at my father's funeral that I broke down. I barely made it through. I honestly didn't expect the emotion that welled up as I talked about him.

Waves

Since then there have been several times when waves of sadness, of missing him being in That Chair have hit me out of nowhere. Sometimes with no connection at all to what I'm actually doing. My belief is that to deal with grief I need to embrace it and let it happen. So when these waves hit I try to let them flow and just observe what is happening inside me.

Over time this has decreased. I don't think I've had a sudden onrush of emotion like that in months. But tomorrow will be Father's Day with the Empty Chair. It will be an interesting test.

St. Paddy's Day

(Being a true son of the emerald isle -- well, mostly -- I repost this every St. Patrick's Day with some new things added each time to freshen it up.)

St. Patrick asks some excitable revelers whether they really
need quite that much green beer

St. Patrick was a real, historical person, though not all the stories we associate with him are necessarily true. He had quite an adventurous life, being enslaved as a lad by Irish raiders, then escaping years later and making his way back to his home in England.  But despite that experience he returned to the land where he'd been held captive to boldly and almost single-handedly persuade the Irish that the God of the christians was kinder than the bloodthirsty spirits they were worshipping -- kind enough to die for them, rather than insisting they die for him.

That idea really clicked with the Irish and they became christian in droves, no fighting or bloodshed needed. In the process, sort of as a by product, the scholarly monks of Ireland ended up rescuing most of the learning and literature amassed by Greece and Rome. Ever read Plato or Plutarch or studied Eucilid's geometry? Thank (to a great extent) the Irish monks.

For more information on that exploit of Patrick's and other reasons we Irish are are so great, I heartily recommend Thomas Cahill's How The Irish Saved Civilization. If you can locate one, get the audiobook version by that well-known irishman, Liam Neeson , who truly reads it with feeling. Or, while swilling down mugs of green beer, take a listen to this reading of Patrick's autobiography.

In the meantime, I present you with this ancient and powerful celtic-christian prayer known as The Breastplate, possibly composed by Patrick himself.

The Breastplate of St. Patrick

I bind unto myself today

The strong name of the Trinity,

By invocation of the same,

The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this day to me for ever,

By power of faith, Christ's Incarnation;

His baptism in the Jordan River;

His death on the cross for my salvation;

His bursting from the spicèd tomb;

His riding up the heavenly way;

His coming at the day of doom;

I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power

Of the great love of the Cherubim;

The sweet 'Well done' in judgment hour;

The service of the Seraphim,

Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,

The Patriarchs' prayers, the Prophets' scrolls,

All good deeds done unto the Lord,

And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today

The virtues of the starlit heaven,

The glorious sun's life-giving ray,

The whiteness of the moon at even,

The flashing of the lightning free,

The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,

The stable earth, the deep salt sea,

Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today

The power of God to hold and lead,

His eye to watch, His might to stay,

His ear to hearken to my need.

The wisdom of my God to teach,

His hand to guide, his shield to ward,

The word of God to give me speech,

His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,

The vice that gives temptation force,

The natural lusts that war within,

The hostile men that mar my course;

Or few or many, far or nigh,

In every place and in all hours

Against their fierce hostility,

I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,

Against false words of heresy,

Against the knowledge that defiles,

Against the heart's idolatry,

Against the wizard's evil craft,

Against the death-wound and the burning

The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,

Protect me, Christ, till thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,

Christ behind me, Christ before me,

Christ beside me, Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me,

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

Christ in hearts of all that love me,

Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the name,

The strong name of the Trinity;

By invocation of the same.

The Three in One, and One in Three,

Of whom all nature hath creation,

Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:

Praise to the Lord of my salvation,

salvation is of Christ the Lord.

Thanksgiving Traditions

"Welcome, welcome Englishmen! Do you have any beer?" Sub-Chief Samoset of the Abenaki tribe is supposed to have happily exclaimed when he first met the Pilgrim fathers. Of course that was in March, not November, but the same sentiment has endured down to this very day.

May you and yours enjoy each others company in a similar spirit on this Thanksgiving Day.

Who was St. Patrick?

(Being a true son of the emerald isle -- well, mostly -- I repost this every St. Patrick's Day with some new things added each time to freshen it up.)

St. Patrick asks some excitable revelers whether they really
need quite that much green beer

St. Patrick was a real, historical person, though not all the stories we associate with him are necessarily true. He had quite an adventurous life, being enslaved as a lad by Irish raiders, then escaping years later and making his way back to his home in England.  But despite that experience he returned to the land where he'd been held captive to boldly and almost single-handedly persuade the Irish that the God of the christians was kinder than the bloodthirsty spirits they were worshipping -- kind enough to die for them, rather than insisting they die for him.

That idea really clicked with the Irish and they became christian in droves, no fighting or bloodshed needed. In the process, sort of as a by product, the scholarly monks of Ireland ended up rescuing most of the learning and literature amassed by Greece and Rome. Ever read Plato or Plutarch or studied Eucilid's geometry? Thank (to a great extent) the Irish monks.

For more information on that exploit of Patrick's and other reasons we Irish are are so great, I heartily recommend Thomas Cahill's How The Irish Saved Civilization. If you can locate one, get the audiobook version by that well-known irishman, Liam Neeson , who truly reads it with feeling. Or, while swilling down mugs of green beer, take a listen to this reading of Patrick's autobiography.

In the meantime, I present you with this ancient and powerful celtic-christian prayer known as The Breastplate, possibly composed by Patrick himself.

The Breastplate of St. Patrick

I bind unto myself today

The strong name of the Trinity,

By invocation of the same,

The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this day to me for ever,

By power of faith, Christ's Incarnation;

His baptism in the Jordan River;

His death on the cross for my salvation;

His bursting from the spicèd tomb;

His riding up the heavenly way;

His coming at the day of doom;

I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power

Of the great love of the Cherubim;

The sweet 'Well done' in judgment hour;

The service of the Seraphim,

Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,

The Patriarchs' prayers, the Prophets' scrolls,

All good deeds done unto the Lord,

And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today

The virtues of the starlit heaven,

The glorious sun's life-giving ray,

The whiteness of the moon at even,

The flashing of the lightning free,

The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,

The stable earth, the deep salt sea,

Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today

The power of God to hold and lead,

His eye to watch, His might to stay,

His ear to hearken to my need.

The wisdom of my God to teach,

His hand to guide, his shield to ward,

The word of God to give me speech,

His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,

The vice that gives temptation force,

The natural lusts that war within,

The hostile men that mar my course;

Or few or many, far or nigh,

In every place and in all hours

Against their fierce hostility,

I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,

Against false words of heresy,

Against the knowledge that defiles,

Against the heart's idolatry,

Against the wizard's evil craft,

Against the death-wound and the burning

The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,

Protect me, Christ, till thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,

Christ behind me, Christ before me,

Christ beside me, Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me,

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

Christ in hearts of all that love me,

Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the name,

The strong name of the Trinity;

By invocation of the same.

The Three in One, and One in Three,

Of whom all nature hath creation,

Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:

Praise to the Lord of my salvation,

salvation is of Christ the Lord.

Workers of the World Unite and Barbeque Some Steaks!

Getting down to the socialist groove on Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day everybody, my favorite socialist holiday!

Of course, we don't play up its connection to Marx and Engels these days but, yeah, Labor Day got started back when anarchists were throwing bombs, 12,000 troops were battling 250,000 laboring men in the Pullman Strike, and workers of the world were uniting. It was originally held on May Day too -- as it still is in most countries.

But just when things looked bleakest for business tycoons, Grover Cleveland, our non-consecutive President, wisely placated the masses by moving Labor Day to September and making it a national beer-drinking holiday. And so, labor troubles were a thing of the past.

But why September? Well, certainly to put some distance between the pleasant associations of brewskies and bar-b-que and those of "having nothing to lose but your chains" that it had on May 1st in the rest of the world.  But more specifically, September was when they celebrated a tiny alternate labor day of their own in New York State, and President Cleveland had once been known as Governor Cleveland there. What could be more natural than just taking that particular labor day national?

Happy Moon Day!

This may well be the anniversary of the most epoch-making event in history not commemorated by an official holiday. Well, this and D-Day perhaps. This is 'Moon Day' -- the point in history when 2 human beings, backed by thousands of others, along with the will of a nation, walked on the moon.

Up until July 20, 1969 literature was filled with books imagining how we might get to the moon and what it would be like to once we did. This type of science fiction began in Greece and Rome, and we have evidence people were pondering the "smaller light to rule the night" well before that.

But on that one glorious pinnacle of history, broadcast to humanity by a rudimentary black and white camera, this immemorial fantasy finally became a reality.

And then we promptly lost all interest.

Patron Saint of the Emerald Isle

St. Patrick was a real, historical person, though not all the stories we associate with him are necessarily true. He had quite an adventurous life and boldly and almost single-handedly persuaded the Irish that the God of the Christians was much kinder than the bloodthirsty spirits they worshiped -- kind enough to die for them, rather than insisting they die for him.

For more information on that exploit of Patrick's and other reasons we Irish are are so great, I heartily recommend Thomas Cahill's How The Irish Saved Civilization.  On this St. Patrick's Day, between sips of green beer, take a listen to this reading of his autobiography.

In the meantime, I present you with this ancient and powerful celtic-christian prayer known as The Breastplate, possibly composed by Patrick himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Breastplate of St. Patrick

I bind unto myself today
The strong name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this day to me for ever,
By power of faith, Christ's Incarnation;
His baptism in the Jordan River;
His death on the cross for my salvation;
His bursting from the spicèd tomb;
His riding up the heavenly way;
His coming at the day of doom;
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power
Of the great love of the Cherubim;
The sweet 'Well done' in judgment hour;
The service of the Seraphim,
Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,
The Patriarchs' prayers, the Prophets' scrolls,
All good deeds done unto the Lord,
And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today
The virtues of the starlit heaven,
The glorious sun's life-giving ray,
The whiteness of the moon at even,
The flashing of the lightning free,
The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
The stable earth, the deep salt sea,
Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today
The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need.
The wisdom of my God to teach,
His hand to guide, his shield to ward,
The word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,
The vice that gives temptation force,
The natural lusts that war within,
The hostile men that mar my course;
Or few or many, far or nigh,
In every place and in all hours
Against their fierce hostility,
I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
Against false words of heresy,
Against the knowledge that defiles,
Against the heart's idolatry,
Against the wizard's evil craft,
Against the death-wound and the burning
The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,
Protect me, Christ, till thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the name,
The strong name of the Trinity;
By invocation of the same.
The Three in One, and One in Three,
Of whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
salvation is of Christ the Lord.

Ashes

Today is Ash Wednesday which is the beginning of Lent which we Methodists observe, so I'm going to church tonight even tho I've got a headcold. Why do we do such things? Here's a picture to help explain...

Even tho I'm swearing off red meat for the next 46 days I am planning to dose myself up with Dayquil so I'm not too contagious.

Immortalized in Chocolate for Mom

As a baby, did your mom think you were a scrumptious little thing? Does your mate call you sweetums? Or, way down deep

Mom

inside, are you kind of stuck on yourself?

Now you can show her (or you) how grateful you are for all that love and attention by giving her a tasty chocolate statute of yourself for Mother's Day. The mold for this creation is based on thousand of photos from every concievable angle to ensure a perfect chocolate replica of you. "Couldn't you just eat eat them up!" Mom will squeal with delight when she sees your delicious, slightly awkward present.

Or get one for yourself and show it off in a temperature controlled place of honor.

Better hurry though. Harvey Nichols, the British department store that makes these, will have them available for a month before Mother's Day. But remember my fellow Americans, British Mother's Day falls on March 30th.