Batman on Mars

Adam West tries to coax Mona the astro-monkey into eating

The late Adam West (Batman, that is) didn't just sear his portrayal of the Caped Crusader indelibly into the public psyche. He was in a lot of other movies and TV shows, including one of my all-time favorites Robinson Crusoe on Mars.

Unfortunately for culture, many people react to that title in much the same way as they do to Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, which, interestingly, came out the same year -- 1964. But this film is much better, getting a 94% on Rotten Tomatoes (Santa gets a measly 24%, FYI). In fact Robinson Crusoe on Mars is good enough that it's included in the Criterion Collection of swanky films, which is no mean feat.

Adam West on Mars

Two astronauts, Dan McReady (Adam West) and Kit Draper (Paul Mantee), along with handy experimental subject Mona the Monkey (Barney the Woolly Monkey), crash land on Mars. Two of them survive but unfortunately neither one is Col. McReady, so West doesn't get a lot of face time in this movie. But he seems very astronaut-like (both actors do, actually) and is a ringer for Neil Armstrong, although he -- like Adam West -- wasn't famous yet.

I notice that West's jaw muscles get very tight during scenes where he feeds Mona the Monkey and pulls her space helmet off. It makes me wonder if there was any actor/sharp-toothed monkey tension on the set.

Paul Mantee as Kit Draper

After burying their fellow astronaut, Kit and Mona head off into the rusty desert wilderness of Mars, doing their best to survive during adventures paralleling Robinson Crusoe's. Given the science of the time, long before we had probes and rovers everywhere on Mars, the way they portrayed the Red Planet's environment is pretty good. Most of it was filmed at Zabriskie Point near Death Valley, and with a reddish tint added in post-production the landscape is remarkably similar to photos beamed back by the Curiosity rover.

Few other movies of the time tried so hard to duplicate what science said Mars was like. Of course the rocks that burned like coal AND produced oxygen (one of Mona's insightful discoveries) were a stretch. And rescuing the alien slave Friday along with his supply of air pills was a happy accident. And by 1964 almost nobody thought Mars had canals filled with water anymore. And so on. But, as a bonus documentary the Criterion Collection includes on their DVD points out, Robinson Crusoe on Mars got a lot of things right, or at least as right as can be expected.

Side Note

A little over a year after this film debuted, Adam West would be rocketing to super-stardom as Batman. Meanwhile Paul Mantee, despite being the lead in Robinson Crusoe, never really got his "big break." Instead he did what Wikipedia articles on 2nd string actors frequently term "working steadily." This he did for decades before turning to writing in the late 1990s.

As an interesting side note, he appeared in an episode of his former co-star's show playing a henchman of Catwoman who wears a Batman costume to frame him for a crime. Maybe Adam West threw a little work his way for old time's sake?

Paul Mantee passed on in 2013. No word on the fate of Barney the Woolly Monkey.

RIP Batman

RIP Adam West

This is the end of an era for me. This is the day that Batman died. And by Batman I mean Adam West, who just passed away at the age of 88.

During the psychedelic 60s when I was a 2nd grader in a flyspeck of a town in New Jersey, one of my favorite comic books suddenly came to life in brilliant color on television. Batman back then wasn't a dark and foreboding fellow riven with anger down in his batcave, brooding over the senseless deaths of his parents.

Instead, he was a detective (the world's greatest!) armed with gadgets who dressed in a blue, light grey, and yellow costume vaguely reminiscent of a bat. He was on good terms with the cops who were constantly calling him via bat-signal or beeping red bat-phone to solve the alarmingly frequent super-villain crimes of Gotham City. Batman at this point in his life wasn't scary or particularly mysterious (though no one knew who he was), just a colorful super-hero, like Superman over in Metropolis, who was probably his best friend. I owned quite a few of their comics.

ZAP!

Then one Wednesday night (January 12, 1966 to be precise) all of that world abruptly appeared in our TV.  Even the sound effect balloons -- POW!, ZAP! -- translated over, and the theme song was unforgettable. Batman and his trusty, even more colorful sidekick Robin were trying to stop the Riddler's perfidious crimes in this episode. And I sat there mesmerized. But then, at the very climax of the story, with Batman drunk (they spiked his orange juice) and Robin kidnapped and about to be operated on -- it ended!!  Instead we got this:

WILL ROBIN ESCAPE?

CAN BATMAN FIND HIM IN TIME?

IS THIS THE GHASTLY END OF OUR DYNAMIC DUO?

ANSWERS...TOMORROW NIGHT! SAME TIME, SAME CHANNEL!

ONE HINT--THE WORST IS YET TO COME!

Whaaaat???  I suffered through the whole next day! Until finally, after the longest Thursday in history, we tuned in to find Robin not dissected after all (only used to make a rubber Robin mask for special guest star Jill St. John to wear) and Batman all sobered up. Naturally he goes on to win the day, although poor Jill St. John perishes in the Batcave's nuclear reactor.

Being 7 years old I took this all as straight adventure, never quite catching on that it was being played so deadly serious that it was hilarious to the adults. The utterly straight-arrow Batman played against the surreal atmosphere of the late 60's (which had a vibe even a kid could pick up on) was such a disjunction that Batman and Adam West became the hottest thing on television.

The Grey Ghost

Batman was such a vivid cultural event that, even though Bat-fever quickly drifted away like smoke, Adam West radiated it for the rest of his life. Try as he might he never really escaped the Bat. I remember reading in the 70s and 80s about how he raged against being typecast. But eventually he learned to embrace being the 1960s Batman, attending conferences and appearing with the super-cool 60s Batmobile.

In 1992, West appeared in an animated Batman episode called Beware the Grey Ghost, portraying an actor who once had great fame as a TV superhero, but now was unable to find work due to being typecast by the role. In the end he helps Batman defeat a criminal and gains a new-found popularity with a younger audience.

According to Wikipedia, the producers almost canceled the production because they felt it was uncomfortably close to Adam West's actual life. But West insisted on playing the character.

One has to wonder if it was a sort of catharsis for him.

Farewell Johnny B. Goode

Chuck Berry

Photo in public domain

Sometimes we speak of something as "the end of an era." Really important stuff, like, you know, when Monica moved out of Rachel's apartment on Friends -- that was "the end of an era." Or when the Cubs won the series, it was "the end of an era."

But over the weekend the real end of a real era occurred because Chuck Berry, the Father of Rock 'n' Roll, passed away at the age of 90 on Saturday.

You probably have seen (or at least heard about) the old Saturday Night Live skit where a bunch of psychics predict the first communication from aliens will be in response to those gold records scientists attached to the Voyager 1 & 2 space probes, which included a recording of 'Johnny B. Goode.' (Oddly enough I couldn't find a video of that skit on YouTube, but here's a transcript).

As Cocuwa the psychic (i.e., Steve Martin)  dramatically informs us: "The four words that came to us from outer space -- the FOUR words that will appear on the cover of Time Magazine next week -- are:

'Send More Chuck Berry!'

That's how epic Chuck Berry was. We sent him into space to represent our people to alien races.

But really, Variety describes him as,

"The rock ‘n’ roll pioneer who established the form and the themes of the music with his slyly funny, rhythmically propulsive ’50s hits, such as 'Maybellene, 'Roll Over Beethoven' and 'Johnny B. Goode.' Berry hammered out the then-nascent sound’s groundwork in a series of self-penned singles... that successfully crossed over into the pop mainstream."

You like yer modern music, ya' young whippersnapper? Well here's who to thank (well, him, Elvis, Little Richard, and Jerry Lee Lewis)!

So in Mr. Berry's honor, here's that golden 'Johnny B. Goode' recording we launched into the void:

RIP Chuck Berry.

RIP Zsa Zsa Gabor

Zsa Zsa Gabor (apparently Gábor Zsazsa in her native Hungary), who married one husband for every decade she lived (i.e., 9), has passed away at the age of 99.  Of course she started marrying husbands after she was of legal age, so some of them had to double up. The reason I mention her husbands rather than some other of her achievements is that, whenever her name came up during her prime, her multitudinous marriages (and divorces) came up too, usually first. It seemed to be her claim to fame.

Here is a list of all those husbands with photos.

She did seem to be a pioneer in the now popular state of 'being famous for being famous.' In fact, Paris Hilton, one of the most famous persons famous for being famous is Zsa Zsa's step-great-granddaughter by way of her 2nd husband, Conrad Hilton.

Zsa Zsa on the Island

But Ms. Gabor had some other achievements under her diamond-encrusted belt. She was a movie and TV actress, appearing in Gilligan's Island and Batman (my two favorite roles!), and was the lead actress in Moulin Rouge in 1952, for which she got decent reviews. She was also in Orson Welles’ Touch of Evil and the great and awe-inspiring Queen of Outer Space, which no one should finish their life without seeing.

She was also Miss Hungary in 1936, but unfortunately too young (19) to go on and compete for Miss Europe. In 1989 she slapped a Beverly Hills policemen for giving her a ticket, and had to serve 3 days in jail for it.

Zsa Zsa had declared her intention to return to Hungary for her 100th birthday (which would have been this February 6th) and spend her final days there. It's sad that she didn't quite make it.

RIP, Ms. Gabor.

The Odd 1970s & Florence Henderson (RIP)

How I remember Florence Henderson, regretably

Photo by David Moore @ Bionic Disco

Florence Henderson (aka Mrs.Brady) passed away yesterday due to heart failure. She was 82, and apparently in good health all the way up to the end. She had an impressive career on Broadway before she became the "lovely lady who was bringing up three very lovely girls." May she rest in peace.

Even though I grew up in the right era, I have to confess that I've never watched a single Brady Bunch episode, thereby missing a part of our precious television heritage that virtually everyone else shares. But what I did catch was the mind-boggling Brady Bunch Variety Hour, which sprang up after the original show was cancelled.

During a certain very odd period in the 1970s dozens of these variety shows clogged the airwaves -- Tony Orlando & Dawn, The Captain & Tennille, Sonny & Cher, Jim Stafford, and even the Starland Vocal Band (who I think only had one hit song ever!) had their own shows where they'd do lame skits and sing songs. The Brady Bunch Variety Hour was one of these, with the same attempts at dancing and the same gaudy costumes. But theirs seemed a little more surreal than the others.

Slave Ship

For one thing, they had just emerged from a world where they were an ordinary huge family in the suburbs. Now they had magically transformed into a troupe of singers and dancers performing bright, overproduced numbers and gamely tossing out awful jokes to amuse the crowds. I think the very first skit the Bradys did was one where the boys tried to persuade some professional singer to perform in place of Mr. Brady because they figured he wouldn't be good enough for the show.

That sort of encapsulates what I'm saying: All the other shows starred actual, professional singers up on stage doing their usual jobs -- partly, at least. The Brady Bunch Hour was the unremarkable, everyday Brady family suddenly and inexplicably catapulted into performing before millions of people! I always had the feeling that they'd been made slaves by someone and forced to amuse their captors with their antics. Or maybe they'd gotten an ultimatum from some surly TV bigwig: "Ok Bradys, it's the variety show or nothin', see? Get up there and dance till your toes are bloody or you'll never work in this town again!"

I don't mean to suggest that they were bad at what they did. Florence Henderson at least was broadway trained and you could tell that all the Bradys were just working their earnest little hearts out. But it was a strange time for TV (which I eagerly absorbed), and the Brady Bunch Variety Hour was the strangest of them all.

Respect Your Liquids

Please, don't be mean to the water!

Next member of a noble heritage

Remember the majestic ship Boaty McBoatface, and the slightly less majestic but at least on time train, Trainy McTrainface?  Now another member has joined that proud lineage: the mighty Australian horse Horsey McHorseface.  Long may his progeny gallop!

A racehorse, similar to the great Horsey McHorseface

 © BrokenSphere / Wikimedia Commons

Where to escape to

Lonesome

Photo by Uday1254

The place in North America that is farthest from any coast is in a gully on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation between Allen (famous for being the poorest town in the country) and Kyle, South Dakota. It's the farthest you can get away from the edge of the continent.

Called "Poles of Inacessability," every land mass and every ocean has one. If you really want to get "far from the madding crowd" and meditate on the meaning of life, one of these might be your best choice. The complete list can be found here with a Google Map for each one.

Edison: History's greatest humanitarian!

It's little known today but famous inventor Thomas Edison was actually the greatest humanitarian who ever lived. Sure, we're all used to hearing of Edison the jerk, Edison the man who battled Westinghouse up one side and down the other to block much more efficient Alternating Current, Edison who crushed the dreams and buried the vision of Nikola Tesla, Edison the elephant electrocuter, Edison the... well, you get the picture.

But when you weigh all that against his magnificent invention of 1878, it's no contest. Edison ranks right up there with Mother Teresa and the entire Doctors Without Boarders organization. Because Thomas Edison, with a single stroke, eliminated hunger from the Earth.

It happened like this.

One day, Edison was riding through the streets of New York in his gold-plated carriage with J P Morgan, John D. Rockefeller, and several Rothschilds discussing how there were simply too many ragged street urchins clinging to their vehicle begging for money. The Great Inventor took the opportunity to demonstrate one of his latest inventions, running 50,000 volts through the skin of the carriage, thereby efficiently dislodging the grubby, starving children. As they watched smoldering little beggers dropping like over-ripe fruit into the street, Edison commented triumphantly, "I call that my 'Poverty Eliminator.'"

The Plutocrats chuckled and drove on.

Later, as they sat down to a posh but impromptu dinner at Edison's home, one of his butlers sheepishly informed him that there weren't enough Delmonico steaks to go around.

"What?! Not enough steak?? I'll soon fix that!"

When Edison returned from his basement lab 2 hours later the wondering tycoons stared in amazement at his "Food Creator," a portable, easy-to-use device capable of transmuting any type of matter into any food imaginable.

The wealthy magnates sat down to the best steaks they'd ever eaten and the Daily Graphic spread the happy news throughout the land on that joyous first day of April:

Huzzah! A new age dawns!

For more information about this wonder, click on the headline!

Advertising on your underwear

What the well-dressed Czech naturalist is wearing nowadays

Photos by Dick Daniels and Steve

So let's say you are the head of the Czech Environment Ministry and you need to find a way to publicize Czech nature. You rack your brains. And then, of course! It's so obvious -- as obvious as the nose on your face! Or rather the underwear on your pelvis.

Naturally you decide to sell underwear with pictures of the Czech Republic's lovable woodland creatures. In particular, beavers on women's panties and cormorants -- a waterfowl with long, thin, muscular necks -- on men's shorts.

What? Don't look at me like that.

This decision has brought much needed worldwide attention to Czech cormorants and beavers, both recently brought back from the verge of extinction.

Some Czech naturalists are obviously a bit jealous that they didn't think of this provocative idea first, though. Jan Pinos, a spokesman for Hnutí Duha (Czech for the Rainbow Movement) commented, "It’s completely stupid. It’s so stupid, I can’t find English words for it. I am shocked but not surprised.”

How to make a Waffle House Omelet

Since it's Saturday and who doesn't like a delectable omelet on the weekend, after all, I decided to reprint one of my most popular posts today:  Benefits From an Old Job.  It's all about my adventures as a Waffle House cook and (the most important part) how to make one of their world renowned Cheese Omelets, with hints on doing it even if you don't own an industrial strength milk shake mixer like they use. I hope  you like it!

*          *          *

Back when I was trying to save up money for college, I spent a year working 10-hour night shifts at the Waffle House in Columbus, Mississippi. Waffle House is something of an institution down south. As a transplanted Yankee I had never heard of the place until I was applying for jobs all up and down Highway 45.

There were several attractions to working there. For one, during your breaks they let you eat as much as you wanted of everything they had, making it the perfect job for a bottomless teenager.

When I started at Waffle House "everything" included steak, and I took full advantage of that rule, sometimes eating 3 or 4 steaks at a sitting. Sadly, after a while they changed this policy to exclude free steak. I have no direct proof, but I've always harbored the suspicion that somehow I was responsible.

In addition to the steak, we were open 24 hours a day (except from 3 to 4, when we washed the place out with a garden hose), and this gave me the chance to see every slice of life there was in a medium-sized Mississippi town. After 1 a.m. the patrons of Cricket's Disco wandered in after their favorite establishment closed for the night. This may have been their wisest choice since we had coffee and they often had put away too much Cricket party beverages.

When dawn broke the Cricket's people were gone but a regular set of farmers, factory workers, and other hard laborers had taken their place, patiently waiting on their coffee, eggs, and grits. And all through the night, truckers pulled in and out, eating steaks and burgers, swilling down our coffee, and telling about where they just were and where they were headed.

Omelet Ambrosia
And then there were the omelets. Even though they are called the Waffle House, they are probably even better known for their delicious, fluffy omelets. It's amazing that simple eggs and cheese can taste so darned good!

Now, my hot, arduous, but filling time as a Waffle House cook is yielding extra dividends. In my neverending quest to get paid for writing stuff I am currently marketing my services to a company that produces, among other things, how-to's and useful information. Rather than submitting an older sample of my work I decided to put something new together over the weekend. As I cast about for an idea while making my Saturday breakfast, the idea struck me to tell the world how they to can make these heavenly omelets.

A little research revealed that Waffle House had actually released their secret recipe on the Web, so I was able to have a check on the accuracy of my egg making memory.

The results can be found below. Enjoy your next breakfast!

~~~

How to Make a Fluffy Waffle House-style Cheese Omelet

With over 1600 restaurants, the Waffle House chain is a fixture throughout the southern United States, and one menu item they are particularly known for is their cheese omelet. Many people say it’s the best omelet they’ve ever tasted. Fortunately, I once cooked for Waffle House and they are not stingy with their omelet formula. In this article I will show you how to make a Waffle House-style omelet right in your kitchen.

First, assemble your supplies. You will need:

3 large Grade A eggs
2 slices of American cheese
2 tablespoons of vegetable oil
A 9 inch, light weight, non-stick pan
A whisk, fork, or blender

Optional:
A medium-sized bowl
A small metal spatula

The key to creating a fluffy omelet is whipping the eggs until the mixture becomes foamy. Waffle House cooks do this using an industrial-strength milk shake mixer, but you can accomplish the same thing at home with standard kitchen implements.

Break the 3 eggs into a bowl large enough to keep them from spilling out while you whip them. Using a whisk or fork, beat the eggs vigorously for a full minute until they become frothy. If you prefer using a blender, mix your eggs on a medium setting for one minute. Unlike some omelet recipes, no milk or other ingredients should be added. The mixture is made up entirely of beaten eggs.

Slowly pour 2 tablespoons of oil into your pan over high heat. Let the oil warm until you see small ripples on the surface, then add the whipped eggs.

It is important to let the eggs set with as much frothiness as possible. The preferred method for doing this is to hold the pan over the heat and slowly rotate it in a circular motion so the outer edges of the omelet move toward the center. However, you can get the same result by gently pushing the solid edges toward the liquid middle with a small metal spatula.

Once the eggs become firm it is time to turn them over. Waffle House cooks are trained to flip them gracefully in the pan. Although this is the most effective method it takes practice and can result in painful grease burns on your hand and wrist. Unless you are a pro, you may want to simply use your spatula to flip the omelet over.

After it has been flipped, allow the omelet to cook for about 30 seconds. It is crucial not to disturb it too much during this phase. Otherwise the omelet can “fall,” just like a souffle, and you will loose all the fluffiness you’ve been laboring so hard for. Very slowly rotating the eggs is all you need to do at this point. Then, after 30 seconds, flip your omelet back.

You are almost there. Let the eggs cook for 30 more seconds. While you wait, take 2 slices of American cheese and place them on the omelet in a double diamond formation. When 30 seconds is up, fold the omelet so that the cheese is covered and slide it onto a plate.

RIP Judy Carne

Aww, that's sad. Judy Carne, the perky british girl on Laugh-in just died. It's hard to realize that she could be 76. That's just a little younger than my dad and I always remember her in a bikini with slogans painted on her body.

RIP Ms. Carne.

If Michelangelo Had Had Bananas

Where some people see food for crocodiles, others see an artistic medium.  In Japan there is an artist named Keisuke Yamada who works entirely in banana, and some of his sculptures are really exquisite. I particularly like his rendition of Homer Simpson.

Click to see more

Blacklisted!

Blacklists: They're not just for movie stars who refused to testify about communists in the 50's. Did you know that easy-going, laissez faire Saturday Night Live has its own blacklist of people who may not under any circumstances ever darken the doors of Studio 8H ever again? Never ever? Yes, people like Steven Segal and Adrien Brody.

Subtle hint to anyone who aspires to appear on SNL more than once: No ad libbing. And behave yourself.

Click below to see a lovely slide show about 13 humans who are banned from Saturday Night for life!

Jesus and Bono

If you've followed this blog closely and for a long time (whether such people actually exist I do not know) you may have picked up on the fact that I'm a serious Christian although this is in no sense a Christian blog. CS Lewis said something to the effect that we don't so much need people writing books or painting pictures about Christ as we do writers and artists who are Christians. 

That's what I love about these comments by Bono. Here you have this highly capable, accomplished, and widely respected man who, when the subject comes up, freely says, "Oh yes, I live the way I do because I follow and worship Jesus Christ, the Son of God. "

Links

With Kirk Douglas

Patrice Wymore, actress and Errol Flynn's final wife, just passed Saturday at the age of 87.

Frankly, I never heard of her until just now. But it always touches me when these links to old Hollywood die. RIP Ms. Wymore.

Back from the Wormhole

History in the making! Back from the Twitter wormhole here's a screen shot of my very first Tweet:

On Why I Blog

A long time ago (over 10 years!) I started my first blog -- the first one mainly about my own thoughts, at least. That particular handmade blog is mothballed now, but I'm still writing as you can see. Why? Since I haven't blogged here since last summer I thought it would be good if I revisited that subject.

Here's how I explained it back then, and it's still mostly true:

To paraphrase a famous Frenchman, "Reader, you have on your screen an honest Blog."

I got on the Internet early and have published some writing here. But not much of it was about me personally. The reason was simple: I figured, who wants to hear about me? And I suspect I was right.

But recently (this'll sound pretentious, incidentally) I was reading Montaigne's Essays. Although he's a Great Book of the Western World ^TM now, he began as an obscure bureaucrat of only moderate accomplishments. Retiring early to his chateau, he started writing what's supposed to be the world's first book entirely about the author as a way to escape depression. The reason this wasn't boring, I think, was because in examining himself, he ended up examining our common human-ness.

From that I learned that, although there isn't much value in reading about me, there may be some in reading about humanity itself -- into which I am one of 6 billion windows.

Montaigne, inventor of the essay

I'm blessed (cursed?) with being interested in everything and have always had a compulsion to write about it all. When I stop writing it's usually because I am overwhelmed with that question, "Who wants to hear about me?" When I start again it's because I'm overwhelmed with the thought, "So what? I really need to write."

Blog experts always say that to have a successful blog you have to concentrate on just one thing -- a niche -- and become the go-to blog on that subject. Then you'll have traffic galore and maybe write a book on your blogging escapades someday.  But this is not that. I've never been able to do that; it's too boring.

People used to keep what was called a Commonplace Book where they kept all the little bits of information they found and thought were important. This is where I put all those things I'm interested in, all those items that pass through my brain.

And now, on with the show.

Here I am, Technorati!!

Technorati tells me that if I want to be a member of their special club like all the cool bloggers are -- you know, like whoever writes The Onion and Paul Krugman -- I need to go through their arcane rites of initiation. Which entails putting this in a post:

NE9GSCZ9S5XS

OK, can I open my eyes now?