Where They Can't Take Your Stimulis Check

Some folks are scared that debt collectors will try to get their stimulus payments. This is a legitimate fear since collectors are generally scum. Back when I was a debt counselor I once spoke to a sick, widow in her 70s who was told by a collector that she should die so her debts could be paid by her executor.

But some state and local governments issued emergency orders at the end of last month in anticipation of the stimulus checks in an effort to stop all or some garnishment orders. They include recent legislation in Washington, D.C., Massachusetts, Texas and Las Vegas, and... a preexisting law in Delaware forbids garnishment orders directed to banks in that state.

Four other things that could help you if you're in that situation are in this article on MarketWatch.com today.

Your Invisible Friend

So long, old friend!

Photo credit: MaxPayne473

Plastic? We don't need no stinkin' plastic! All we need is to be wired into a vast electronic financial holonet that knows everything about you, tracks your every move, and silently charges your credit account without you having to lift a finger when you buy something (except to lift the shopping bags on the way out). 

That last bit is the credit card-free future predicted by the head of BarclayCard; the rest is already here, just waiting to merge, become sentient ... and rule the world.

To Boldly Go

Humanity's Greatest Conundrum

Photo credit: HeroX

Some problems are so intractable that even a rocket scientist can't figure them out. Sure NASA overcame the myriad challenges we faced to put a man on the moon, but this one has them stumped. The mission: to boldly defecate where no one has defecated before!

On the International Space Station they have a cool little space toilet with a spinning rotor that collects the astronaut poo and stores it for disposal at a later date. In their spacesuits they wear cosmic Depends™. But this system depends on the assumption that in an emergency you could wear your suit, hop into your trusty Soyuz capsule, and be in Siberia in just a few hours. At most you might spend a day in a dirty diaper... with the 6 or 8 Gs of reentry pressing you into it... Wait. No. Let's not go there.

How we poop now

Photo: Polimerek

But what if you're on a mission to Mars -- 6 months there and 6 months back (actually longer while you wait for it to line up with Earth again) -- and something happens. Mars is much closer to the Asteroid Belt, you know. High speed space rocks galore! If you lose air pressure you could end up spending 2 years in a space suit. They're tight and very bulky with all sorts of essential equipment already installed; no room for a personal-size space toilet in there. What do you do with all that fecal matter in your suit? And how do you avoid terminal diaper rash??

NASA does not know.

So they're tossing the problem over to us, fellow citizens, in a contest aptly named "The Space Poop Challenge." If you come up with one of the 3 best solutions to this vexing dilemma they'll give you $30,000 of your tax money as a reward.

Do have the right stuff within you? Better hurry though because the deadline for submissions is Dec. 20, 2016, 10:59 p.m. CST.

Edison: History's greatest humanitarian!

It's little known today but famous inventor Thomas Edison was actually the greatest humanitarian who ever lived. Sure, we're all used to hearing of Edison the jerk, Edison the man who battled Westinghouse up one side and down the other to block much more efficient Alternating Current, Edison who crushed the dreams and buried the vision of Nikola Tesla, Edison the elephant electrocuter, Edison the... well, you get the picture.

But when you weigh all that against his magnificent invention of 1878, it's no contest. Edison ranks right up there with Mother Teresa and the entire Doctors Without Boarders organization. Because Thomas Edison, with a single stroke, eliminated hunger from the Earth.

It happened like this.

One day, Edison was riding through the streets of New York in his gold-plated carriage with J P Morgan, John D. Rockefeller, and several Rothschilds discussing how there were simply too many ragged street urchins clinging to their vehicle begging for money. The Great Inventor took the opportunity to demonstrate one of his latest inventions, running 50,000 volts through the skin of the carriage, thereby efficiently dislodging the grubby, starving children. As they watched smoldering little beggers dropping like over-ripe fruit into the street, Edison commented triumphantly, "I call that my 'Poverty Eliminator.'"

The Plutocrats chuckled and drove on.

Later, as they sat down to a posh but impromptu dinner at Edison's home, one of his butlers sheepishly informed him that there weren't enough Delmonico steaks to go around.

"What?! Not enough steak?? I'll soon fix that!"

When Edison returned from his basement lab 2 hours later the wondering tycoons stared in amazement at his "Food Creator," a portable, easy-to-use device capable of transmuting any type of matter into any food imaginable.

The wealthy magnates sat down to the best steaks they'd ever eaten and the Daily Graphic spread the happy news throughout the land on that joyous first day of April:

Huzzah! A new age dawns!

For more information about this wonder, click on the headline!

Fined for not paying your fine right

The Austrian national motto: "Pay up!"

I get the feeling Austria is a rather uptight country. What makes me think that? Well, if you are assessed a fine in Austria, not only do you have to pay it, you have to pay it precisely.  Paying less than required will get you in trouble, of course. And paying more than your fine... will get you fined!

Machine Gun Therapy

Fire away till you feel at peace!

Feeling frustrated, uptight, maybe even a little... enraged? Now you can get it all out in a healthy, non-murderous way by firing machine guns from the comfort of your own home. The guns happily are located in Rabas, Serbia but you can fire them from anywhere thanks to the wonders of the Internet. It's the first-person shooter game brought to life!

Pravi Pucati, whose slogan is, "Shoot real things," promises that this is all totally safe. And even though they do have customized ultra-VIP packages for elite plutocrats and pampered royalty, and promise that, "If we do not have the option you want that you will have fun, we will make your wildest imaginations come to life," they firmly deny that for the right price they will line up peasants for target practice.

In Your Head

Headline: "Stocks instantly fall after ECB says it will no longer accept Greek government bonds as collateral!!"

Just more evidence that the economy's all in your head. Well... somebody's head.

Average or Cursed?

So what about you? Does your life seem like an endless, grinding nightmare? Or a happy-go-lucky paradise? Or something in between?

Well, you're not alone, whichever of them it is, and now the Gallup Poll has produced this handy chart so you can see how all the other people out there are getting along. Take a look and see whether you're living a cursed existence, or just an average one.

Things are Tough all 'Round

Headline:

God Denied Car Loan

Man, credit is tight these days!