"There's a battle outside and it's ragin'!"

Trainy has a tense conversation with "The Man"

Image: Sony Pictures Television

By now the whole world knows the misbegotten saga of the HMS Boaty McBoatface*. The state-of-the-art British scientific research ship was given that name in a cheerful public referendum only to have the will of the people cruelly stomped in the dust by "The Man" and replaced by the staid and stoggy HMS Sir David Attenborough, as described in this very sober-minded article. Not that there's anything wrong with Sir David, but he just ain't Boaty.

But the voice of the masses will not be stilled. There's a movement moving my friends, and a new world's a-comin' so don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall, man.

In Australia, a defiant racehorse has taken on the noble name of Horsey McHorseface. Even the UK's immovable establishment buckled and threw a sop to the unruly populace milling angrily in Trafalgar Square by conferring the name Boaty McBoatface on a little robot yellow submarine. (Shouldn't its name have been 'Ringo' though?)

But now Sweden has once again lived up to its motto ("Sweden: Best place in the world") and decided to stand shoulder to shoulder with the common man and woman and officially, irrevocably, and undeniably name their newest express train on the Stockholm-Gothenburg line Trainy McTrainface.

"I can guarantee with my life that the train will be called Trainy McTrainface," said MTR Express marketing chief Per Nasfi in an effort to allay Swedish fears. "I imagine that some people were quite delighted to get some revenge for the Boaty McBoatface thing."

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*Yes, I know the proper designation is RSS, not HMS. Consider it artistic license taken with Britain’s hoary traditions for the greater good.

The Rage of the Squirrel!

"Pay us the acorns and nobody gets hurt"

Photo credit: Rapaceone

A cautionary message for Republicans and Democrats alike: Be careful who you speak out against. The tiny woodland creatures are watching.

Take Howard Brookins Jr., alderman for Chicago’s 21st ward for instance. He stood up against squirrels, he did. Criticised them. Said they were ruining the garbage can lids. Said they were being "aggressive."

He failed to reckon on the fact that these were 'urban squirrels' -- Chicago urban squirrels. And they weren't pleased.  "Maybe the alderman needs to have a little... accident, boys!" they chattered to each other in the trees.

On Sunday November 13th Mr. Brookins was riding his bike alone on a remote forest trail. All at once a single squirrel darted out from the trees and threw himself into the bicycle's spokes crying, "Revenge is a dish best served cold, Brookins!" In the melee that followed the alderman's skull was cracked, his nose smashed, his teeth splintered.

The squirrel lay peacefully entangled in the spokes of the bike, a contented expression on his face.

But they haven't forgotten.  In the aftermath of this incident, squirrels are said to line Brookins' window sill at odd hours... just watching.


And here's another reason why they're so angry!

Machine Gun Therapy

Fire away till you feel at peace!

Feeling frustrated, uptight, maybe even a little... enraged? Now you can get it all out in a healthy, non-murderous way by firing machine guns from the comfort of your own home. The guns happily are located in Rabas, Serbia but you can fire them from anywhere thanks to the wonders of the Internet. It's the first-person shooter game brought to life!

Pravi Pucati, whose slogan is, "Shoot real things," promises that this is all totally safe. And even though they do have customized ultra-VIP packages for elite plutocrats and pampered royalty, and promise that, "If we do not have the option you want that you will have fun, we will make your wildest imaginations come to life," they firmly deny that for the right price they will line up peasants for target practice.

Clark the Sad Bear Snaps

Most of the world has probably heard by now but I'll repeat the epic news for context: In January the Chicago Cubs deployed their first-ever mascot -- Clark the Sad Bear. Officially he's just "Clark," but... just look at his eyes! He virtually embodies Chicago's valiant struggle to stay hopeful under the crushing weight of agonizing Cubs history. Don't you just want to give the little guy a hug? Clark could have a breakdown at a moment's notice. 

Which is why, beneath that pitiful exterior, there may well be a volcano of seething anger waiting to explode.

There are some things you just don't do. And like Batman, one of them is pulling off Clark's head... if you want to live.

Un-Reason

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself...



Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

— George Bernard Shaw