Mystical Mars

More evidence of Mars' highly advanced magic powers!

Thanks to Curiosity the Martian Rover we are learning more about the red planet than we did in all the centuries of scientific endeavour before it got there. As you know if you faithfully read these pages, we've discovered the first evidence of petrified lizards in space. In addition, Sleestaks from Land of the Lost have also been found next to the last of their bowling balls.

But now, in possibly the most mind-boggling revelation yet, NASA has uncovered (and simultaneously denied, as they always do)  great feats of magic performed millennia ago by the now-fossilized lizards. Apparently, the mighty power of their levitation tricks still floats spoons in the reddish wilderness to this very day!

Another Martian Beastie

As all good readers of A Few Paragraphs know, we chronicle the ever growing list of strangely rock-like creatures NASA keeps finding on Mars. Well, not really NASA per se; actually a few guys (Strangely, I've never heard a woman announce a Mars lizard, have you?) who spend their long, lonely nights incessantly staring at Mars probe photos in painstaking detail.

And when they spy one through bleary eyes, it is a cause of great rejoicing. Because it's just another proof of the massive space-lizard cover up that extends to the highest levels. The truth is out there, man!

You may recall my concise but fascinating expose of Sleestaks on Mars. Now, allow me to introduce the awesome findings of professional weird-stuff-researcher Scott C. Waring: One-eyed lizards from the Red Planet!

Apparently, he's also located a crashed spaceship and a reptile head!

Bowling on Mars

Stop the presses, or whatever we use nowadays! We've Just discovered LIFE ON MARS!!

Well, not exactly "just" since the incriminating photo was actually taken by the Curiosity rover  last Tuesday. And not life exactly. But the next best thing: a tiny statue sitting forlornly on a random rock, along with his bowling ball. And possibly a propeller-driven whale.

Commemorating the day bowling
ended on Mars??

Could the evidence be any clearer?!? Open your eyes people! Only an intelligence verrry different from our own could have created such a startling tableau.

There are those that see in the figure an alien being wearing a gasmask, perhaps signifying the last of the mighty Martian race gasping their final breaths as their precious atmosphere slips

Sleestaks!!

into space -- and their dreams of a bowling championship turn to dust.

But looking closer I believe this can mean only one thing: that we've actually located the true home of the dreaded Sleestaks, who so tormented the Marshall family on Land of the Lost!