Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Chunks of the Sky

Zowee! Big herkin’ hailstones coming down in Norfolk, Nebraska!
Photo via Jeff Caauwe @jcow

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Baleful Spirits of the Toilet

The lair of Crepitus (i.e., Roman toilet)
You worship what's most valuable to you, they say, and in ancient Rome that was Crepitus, God of the Toilet. Also, by extension, god of flatulence. Together with his tawdry companion deities Cloacina Goddess of Sewers and Stercutius Lord of Poop, he reigned over the dark household nether regions, accepting bribes sacrifices to relieve your irregularity. From mighty Caesar down to the humblest lavatory cleaning slave, none escaped the need to appeal to these toilet deities at once in a while.

But at least they were "deities" and somewhat friendly; other lands were menaced by horrific toilet demons lurking in the shadows of your water closet. Japan especially seems to be overrun with these things in their mythology.

Now, you could consult a dry, boring Wikipedia article about the Toilet Gods of history, and perhaps even click onto this other skeptic entry doubting the very existence of Crepitus. Or you could eagerly hop over to this colorful, illustrated page that knows when to leave a good story alone and read about The Top 10 Best Loo Spirits of All Time!

Saturday, May 03, 2014

I Can See My House From Here!

NASA looks at my house
NASA has finally done what I always wished they'd do: let me see my house from space!  Sure we've had Google Earth for years but some of those photos are years old. I want to look down upon what's happening right now.

Now they've mounted high definition cameras on the outside of the Space Station pointed at the Earth and are leaving them on 24 hours a day. So as long as they're overhead (I'm sure that must happen sometimes, right?) I can peer down at myself -- and everything else in the world! Even at night!

I call that progress!

All we need now are some really, really powerful zoom lenses...

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Duck and Cover

The Bio-Duck of song and story
Out here on the sea, a man sees many a strange sight and hears tales in the dead of night that makes his blood run cold. But most fearful of all are the tales of a creature so terrifying that the mighty Kraken cowers before it, aircraft carriers change course to avoid it, and Great White Whales skitter swiftly away. Some say it's a demon, some that it's a refugee from the Jurassic age, and others don't dare guess -- just sit in despair the darkened corners of their sailing ship's hold and weep like a grizzled baby.

Aye, thar be a name for this nameless horror, a name even the boldest sea captains can barely whisper. Oceanographers quail in fear as they slowly write it on their white boards, the hair of rugged Maine lobstermen turns instantly white when it's spoken, and the crews of nuclear submarines simultaneously lose their lunches when they hear that dreaded name: THE BIO-DUCK!!!

The Bio-Duck's angry and unpredictable undersea quacking has bedeviled mariners for 50 years and more. But now, heedless of the danger, devil-may-care scientists have gathered their courage and invaded the Bio-Duck's dark lair. The tables have been turned on this foul beast at last, finally unmasking the ferocious Bio-Duck as...

...the lovable Minke whale!!

Bio-Duck Unmasked!

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Brave New Dog

Thanks to the technological advances applied to us by the pathetic humans (who foolishly think us to be their “best friends”), our minds and bodies are being augmented in ways they could never dream. Soon we will throw off this tail-wagging pretense and take our rightful place as their overlords. No more of the underdog; we are now the new race of uber-dog!  Today your owner’s home, tomorrow the world!!

Friday, April 11, 2014

For That Special Bookworm in Your Life...

Bound in Grave robber skin

Harvard is an elite school boasting many claims to fame -- their Nobel laureate professors, their sterling worldwide reputation, and perhaps most impressive of all the 3 books in their libraries bound in human flesh. One of them (the ever-popular Practicarum Quaestionum Circa Leges Regias Hispaniae) even has an inscription telling us whose flesh it is: "King Mbesa did give me the book, it being one of poore Jonas chiefe possessions, together with ample of his skin to bynd it. Requiescat in pace."

So you can imagine their chagrin and horror when it was discovered the other day that that's not real people skin at all! Instead it's just plain, ordinary, blotchy sheep skin. Harvard alumni are today are slinking dejectedly through the halls of power and wealth, doing their best to avoid eye contact with the other plutocrats -- especially the ones from Yale.

But worry not anthropodermic bibliopegy fans! Binding your favorite reading material in the flesh of your neighbor had a bit of a vogue at one time, so there are still plenty of places to go other than Harvard. Click here to see a list of the Top 10 books Harvard yearns to possess.