Saturday, April 12, 2014

Brave New Dog

Thanks to the technological advances applied to us by the pathetic humans (who foolishly think us to be their “best friends”), our minds and bodies are being augmented in ways they could never dream. Soon we will throw off this tail-wagging pretense and take our rightful place as their overlords. No more of the underdog; we are now the new race of uber-dog!  Today your owner’s home, tomorrow the world!!

Friday, April 11, 2014

For That Special Bookworm in Your Life...

Bound in Grave robber skin

Harvard is an elite school boasting many claims to fame -- their Nobel laureate professors, their sterling worldwide reputation, and perhaps most impressive of all the 3 books in their libraries bound in human flesh. One of them (the ever-popular Practicarum Quaestionum Circa Leges Regias Hispaniae) even has an inscription telling us whose flesh it is: "King Mbesa did give me the book, it being one of poore Jonas chiefe possessions, together with ample of his skin to bynd it. Requiescat in pace."

So you can imagine their chagrin and horror when it was discovered the other day that that's not real people skin at all! Instead it's just plain, ordinary, blotchy sheep skin. Harvard alumni are today are slinking dejectedly through the halls of power and wealth, doing their best to avoid eye contact with the other plutocrats -- especially the ones from Yale.

But worry not anthropodermic bibliopegy fans! Binding your favorite reading material in the flesh of your neighbor had a bit of a vogue at one time, so there are still plenty of places to go other than Harvard. Click here to see a list of the Top 10 books Harvard yearns to possess.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

If Michelangelo Had Had Bananas

Where some people see food for crocodiles, others see an artistic medium.  In Japan there is an artist named Keisuke Yamada who works entirely in banana, and some of his sculptures are really exquisite. I particularly like his rendition of Homer Simpson.

Click to see more

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Blood Moon!

Income Tax Day!
Photo courtesy of Peter Gaylard
In further proof that Income Tax is of the devil (or at the very least a pox upon mankind), the Moon will turn to blood on April 15th -- tax day

Now the more prosaic among us might call this a "total lunar eclipse," but what fun is that? Calling it "Blood Moon" lets us consider it a sign of the end of the world, especially since 3 more Blood Moons are coming in the next year-and-a -half. And 2 of them fall on Jewish holy days, which must mean something. But only 1 of them is visible from the Holy Land. 

This end of the world isn't as popular as the Mayan Calendar end of the world, or the Niburu end of the world or even the Harold Camping end of the world, but at least some folks are selling books about it

Which brings us back to the pestilence of Income Tax. Beware! Repent and pay your taxes on that book income before it's too late!

Monday, April 07, 2014

Clark the Sad Bear Snaps

Most of the world has probably heard by now but I'll repeat the epic news for context: In January the Chicago Cubs deployed their first-ever mascot -- Clark the Sad Bear. Officially he's just "Clark," but... just look at his eyes! He virtually embodies Chicago's valiant struggle to stay hopeful under the crushing weight of agonizing Cubs history. Don't you just want to give the little guy a hug? Clark could have a breakdown at a moment's notice. 

Which is why, beneath that pitiful exterior, there may well be a volcano of seething anger waiting to explode.

There are some things you just don't do. And like Batman, one of them is pulling off Clark's head... if you want to live.

RIP Mickey Rooney

What more need I say?