Friday, September 04, 2015

Danger: Texas

Texas is a dangerous place. Back in June a gentleman named Frank Reyes was changing a trailer tire when the jack slipped, trapping him.

Worrying that somebody might not happen along would be your major concern in any normal state. But this wasn't Seattle or Poughkeepsie.

This was Texas. In June.

The apocalyptically hot Texas sun heated the trailer's metal to 10,000 degrees (or thereabouts), and slowly seared the flesh of his hand right off down to the bone.

Did you know that in the 1800's, when land barons were trying to get people to immigrate to this place, the publicity hapless Easterners heard (from Davy Crockett himself!) was that Texas is "the garden spot of the world?" Davy Crockett was a bald-faced liar because Texas will try to kill you every chance it gets.

Fortunately, we now have central air conditioning that makes Texas habitable, and that has made the appearance of highly intelligent medical doctors possible. Today they sprout in hospitals and medical centers all across our gigantic state, on stand-by to leap into action and work their clever wonders on Texans who venture outside and suffer, as they surely will. Because this is Texas.

Belly -- best place for a desicated hand
Mr. Reyes, sadly, did not have the benefit of central air conditioning that day. But he did have skilled doctors waiting in chilly hospitals, ready to apply their healing arts to his hideous hand that the Texas sun had gnawed to bits.

Realizing eventually that nothing else was making the remainders of his fingers grow back, they chose the ultimate option, something only a highly creative, comfortably refrigerated, Texas doctor brain would dare to think of trying: cutting a hole in his belly and sewing his hand inside. Blood-filled vessels from his abdomen swiftly permeated his digits, filling them with life.

And now, weeks later, Frank's rejuvinated appendage is free of his stomach and living comfortably, changing trailer wheels left and right.

Once again, central air saves the day!

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