New trends in mourning the dead!

Need some liquid courage to make it through the ceremony, sir?

Photo by Fabio Ingrosso

Last week I mentioned a cemetery in Spain that provides wifi for its customers. The live customers, not the dearly departed ones. But that's just the tip of the funereal iceberg, so to speak.

Why should a trip to the undertaker be such a downer anyway? Luckily there are plenty of other funeral homes that cheerfully cater to your every need.

For instance, the very considerate Paradise Funeral Chapel of Saginaw, Michigan realizes that the death of a friend or relative can really cut into your free time. In an attempt to restore convenience to the mourning process they've installed a drive-thru so you can come by and have a private moment with the dead on your way to Denny's.

But what if you're roped into one of those boring, old fashioned funerals, the kind where you have to stay for an hour or more honoring uncle Oswald. Well, the undertaking business fully understands your pain. That's why, for instance, the Hodges Funeral Home in Naples, Florida has gone to the trouble of installing an on-site, fully stocked wine cellar. Then, if you're suddenly overcome by grief, you can step away and have a glass or two of Chianti to steady your nerves. Or, if you find yourself absolutely prostrate with emotion, a Portuguese Port might be more up your alley.

As Hodges' Manager Seth Minson says,“Our goal is to make people comfortable, almost like they weren’t even in a funeral home.”