Wednesday, May 15, 2013

CIA Urged to 'Reach for the Stars!'

Dynamic man of mystery captured in Russia
Feeling a little embarrassed at the United States' recent poor showing in espionage, Russia today encouraged their longtime rival to "keep trying." 

"Really, don't let this get you down, man," urged 1st Deputy Assistant for Tactical Self-Esteem Building, Vladimir Vedroborshcha. "You're better than this, comrade! Sure we're all surprised by how clumsy you've gotten. Is this the USA we all know and love? You're just out of practice! That's what happens when you depend on computer worms and drones, eh? But America can be great again, like in old days! Ah, such fun times

"You need to step up your game! Try spying on easy target first, like Canada. Then come back in couple of years and try to steal missile technology or something."

Reached for comment in Washington, CIA chief John Brennan just looked down at his hands and slowly mumbled, "Yeah..."

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